


Third Time's the Charm?

by CrashxBurn



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: F/F, F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-01-24
Updated: 2017-08-10
Packaged: 2018-09-19 16:43:46
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 7
Words: 13,691
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9450764
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CrashxBurn/pseuds/CrashxBurn
Summary: Vague timeline roughly four years into the show. It's AU from the point where Robin finds out that Marian is Zelena. He decides to stay in New York with her instead of returning to Storybrooke. A few months down the line, Regina isn't coping well with the loss and she's begun using alcohol as a crutch. No one sees her falling apart but Emma, who's having problems of her own. She's uncertain of her relationship with Killian and her feelings for Regina. They're trying to be friends, but neither of them are good at opening up and letting people in. Regina has loved and lost twice already, but perhaps the third time is the charm? SwanQueen is endgame, though there will be mentions of OutlawQueen and CaptainSwan in the beginning. Rated mature for eventual SwanQueen smut and mentions of past rape.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first SwanQueen fan fiction, but I'm very excited to be writing it and I hope that you will enjoy reading it. Unfortunately, you will have to bear with a bit of CaptainSwan in the beginning (nothing of a graphic nature) and mentions of OutlawQueen in the past. I welcome reviews and would love to know what you think. :) This story will likely all be written in a first person POV, alternating between Emma and Regina. There may or may not be chapters from other characters' perspectives. It depends on where I decide to go with the plot. Enjoy!

.:Emma Swan:.

 

The chilly November wind whips at my cheeks and sends loose blonde curls in every direction. I have half a mind to tie it up until I realize I don’t have a hair band on me. It’s colder and windier than I’d expected when I’d decided to take this little jaunt. I needed to clear my head with everything that’s happened recently. I’ve been putting on a brave face for everyone—I have to, I’m the Savior, and everyone is constantly counting on me—but inside I’ve been in turmoil. I didn’t ask to get thrown into any of this. I didn’t ask for some mystical destiny and an insta-family at age thirty. Then to find Neal and make amends just to lose him before we could give it another chance between us…

 

Hook has proved to be a nice distraction. As much as I might deny it, the whole bad boy thing has always kind of appealed to me. But I have this sinking feeling lately that that’s all he is to me: an appealing distraction. I do feel guilty whenever he looks at me and I can see it in his eyes that he really does care about me, and he is honestly trying to change for the better and be the man I know he can be, the man he knows I want him to be. I just don’t feel the way I expected I would. When I first decided to give him a chance, I thought maybe it was another shot at happiness and moving on after Neal, but after being together for almost a year and a half I expected to feel _something_ deeper than friendship and sexual attraction.

 

If you’re not in love with someone after a year and a half of being with them, that’s probably a bad indicator in my experience. So I can’t help wondering if this is all it’s ever going to be between us? Him telling me he loves me and me not saying it back, telling him I do care but I need more time. He wants to move forward with our relationship, move in together, but I am not even remotely ready for _that_. I only recently moved out of the loft with my parents and little brother (it was getting a little too crowded in there for my taste). I’m only just beginning to get used to being on my own again and having my space after years of living with Mary Margaret and David.

 

I’m not ready to give up that independence just yet, especially not when I’m so uncertain about where this relationship is heading. Henry is a bigger part of my life now than ever. Every two weeks Regina lets him come to stay here for a week. It’s been a challenging new aspect of parenting for me to actively participate in raising him on a regular basis, but honestly I’ve loved every minute of it. I’m finally getting to be a mother to my son and have that second chance at raising him. And Regina and I are actually getting along (for the most part – she’s still Regina). That’s something else that’s been bugging me recently. She keeps popping into my head at the strangest times and I find myself wanting to spend time with her.

 

I want to get to know her better. We’ve been sharing a son for four years now and fighting side by side to protect this town and everyone in it. I’ve watched her transform from the bitter, angry, manipulative, cold-hearted bitch she was when I met her into a woman who is trying so hard to redeem herself and make up for the things she’s done. I see her trying all the time in the way she is with Henry, and with me, and the way she does what she can to help the town even when no one thanks her for it. The more I get to know her, the more I want to know, the more intriguing I find her.

 

Knowing only a small portion of her story (how she lost the love of her life and married Snow’s father; how Snow was partially responsible for Daniel’s death; and having met her mother, I know exactly how horrible Cora must have been when Regina was growing up), I think she’s probably the strongest person I’ve ever met. She’s survived so much and she’s coming out the other side. It may have taken a lot of terrible mistakes on her part and decades to get there, but I’m starting to see a totally different side to her. She really isn’t the Evil Queen anymore. She’s just Regina: a woman who has the capacity to love deeply and who wants to be a good person. I just wish everyone else in this town could look past their grudges and see that as well.

 

Some of them have started coming around—my parents, for instance—but I still see the way people look at her sometimes when she walks into a room or how they whisper behind her back and it breaks my heart. It actually surprised me when I realized how much I care about her. We had such a rough start with each other. There was a time I thought we would never be friends, but now we are. The problem is… I’m not sure that’s all there is to it, at least for me. It’s not even about physical attraction. We’ve had that since day one; I’m not blind – the chemistry between us on a physical level is obvious. In fact, if she hadn’t been such a thoroughly unpleasant person, I may have even entertained the idea of pursuing her for something casual.

 

But that’s just it: it’s _not_ just sex I’m interested in. I’m interested in her mind, in her thoughts and feelings. I’m interested in what makes her happy and seeing her smile, because it really does light up her face. And I shouldn’t be interested in any of that because I’m with Killian. I also know I don’t dare bring it up with her. That would be a fast way to end our friendship in its infancy. It hasn’t been long since Robin decided to stay in New York with Zelena and Roland instead of coming back to Storybrooke—only a few months—and I know that Regina is taking it really hard losing him. He was supposed to be her soul mate and he chose to stay with her sister even after finding out about Zelena’s deception as Marian.

 

I know she loves him and she’s hurting a lot more than she’ll let anyone see (always the stubborn one, Regina Mills – mother, hardass mayor, and former evil queen). Obviously entering into another relationship is the furthest thing from her mind right now. Even if I was single and she wasn’t mourning the loss of her soul mate, I doubt she would be interested in anything beyond friendship with me. She’s never shown any indication that she has feelings for me beyond annoyance turned toleration, perhaps mild concern for my wellbeing. No, it’s best not to even think about it any further. That path can only lead to badness. I stop walking suddenly, realizing I have no idea where I am or how long I’ve been walking (though my hands feel pretty numb since I forgot my gloves), and I look around to gauge my surroundings.

 

To my surprise, my thoughts have unconsciously led my feet to the one person who confuses me and fascinates me the most. I’m standing on the sidewalk outside of 108 Mifflin Street, looking toward that painted white door I’ve had slammed in my face more than once. I don’t know how I feel about being here right now, what it means that I can’t seem to control my desire to be near her. It was past ten o’clock when I left my house to go on this little stroll, so it’s probably close to eleven now. I survey the house and see that the lights upstairs are all turned off, but there is one light on downstairs, coming through the window I’m pretty sure belongs to her study, the one with the expensive sofas and roaring fireplace, the one we sat in the first night we met each other.

 

Thinking of that night just confuses me more. I remember seeing her that first time as she opened the door and came striding down the porch and along the path, hurrying to ensure that Henry was safe. She was a whirlwind of a woman, I could tell straight away, and then I saw the hurt on her face when Henry said he’d gone to find his _real_ mother and stormed off into the house. It was obvious neither of us knew what to say or do. It was definitely an awkward encounter, but I remember thinking she was beautiful and _so_ put together, and everything Henry deserved in a mother. The house was gorgeous and I knew he probably didn’t want for anything. He’d had the kind of childhood I never had. This was his best chance.

 

And in that moment I felt better about my decision to give him up because he seemed to have this wonderful life that I couldn’t have given him. That all changed, of course, when Regina and I began butting heads the very next day. From there it was a long road full of obstacles, but I guess after you break a few curses with someone you learn to be civil with each other. In the present, I’m standing with my hands shoved in the back pockets of my dark skinny jeans as I stare at that lit window on the ground floor. There’s a huge part of me that wants to see if she’s in the mood for company (despite the ridiculously late hour for visitors), but what on earth would I say? I was walking around town and ended up here because I was thinking about you?

 

It would be the truth, but I can’t say that. Of course I can’t. Right…? I almost step forward to walk up the path to the door. My body actually starts to move before I freeze, losing my nerve in that instant. Shaking my head and cursing myself for a number of reasons, I turn and walk away, moving my hands into the pockets of my red leather jacket. I know some people think it’s kind of tacky, but I love this jacket. As soon as I get home, I go straight to the kitchen and retrieve a bottle of rum from the back of one of the upper cabinets where Henry won’t find it. He’s only fourteen and I doubt he’s been tempted yet to try drugs or alcohol, but you can’t be too careful with a teenager in the house.

 

I take the bottle up to my bedroom without bothering to get a glass. Henry isn’t here this week so I don’t need to be the responsible parent. I guess that’s one upside to him having two mothers: we both get a break sometimes to have time to ourselves. And he’ll certainly never lack for people loving him. I set the bottle on the windowsill then change into a pair of white cotton drawstring pants and a white tank top. I brush my teeth and hair and pull it up into a loose ponytail. Then I go and sit at the window to stare up at the moon and stars as I open the bottle and drink until sleep decides to embrace me. As I sit there feeling the burn of alcohol down my throat, warming me through, I can’t help wishing that I could find the kind of love my parents have.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning for a semi-graphic description of a rape that occurred in the past. I've used italics to denote which paragraphs are in the past.

.:Regina Mills:.

 

_“No, please! Not yet. I’m not ready. Please,” I beg, tears sliding down my cheeks as I back away from my new husband, the king, the man I had no choice but to marry after my mother murdered my fiancé. But Leopold doesn’t seem to care for my begging. He steps forward quickly and backhands me across the face. I feel the sting of the blow and taste blood in my mouth where my teeth cut into my cheek. That is definitely going to leave a mark. I won’t be able to show my face for a week. My terrified brown eyes grow wide in shock and fear as panic pumps through my veins. “Be quiet,” he tells me in a tone he probably means to be soothing. It definitely isn’t calming me down any._

_I know what’s going to happen because mother told me. She told me exactly what I was supposed to do, in great detail, but I don’t want to do this. Not at all. I didn’t want to marry him and I don’t want to give myself to him. Daniel should have been the one… I begin to sob as I think about Daniel in the midst of all of this. Leopold grabs my arms in a bruising grip and manhandles me toward the bed. “You will do as you are told,” he informs me, and his tone is no longer soothing in the slightest. “You are my wife and you will act as such. A queen has a duty to her king.” I’m so terrified at this point I don’t dare say anything or object again. His grip on my arms is so tight and I know he won’t hesitate to hit me again._

 

_I stand there silently and obediently as he rips the nightgown my handmaiden had dressed me in for the occasion. It’s the night of my wedding and there are expectations, traditions that must be upheld. I was foolish to think I could ever get out of it. He is loved by the people in his kingdom and his daughter clearly thinks the world of him. Though I did not want to marry him, I thought he would at least be a decent man. I learn quickly enough that there is a monster buried beneath. I expected he would be gentle with me, but instead he is cruel. He gives no pause at my cries of pain. He seems to enjoy them. I’m sure if my eyes weren’t squeezed tightly shut I would see pleasure on his face. The thought sickens me._

_Suddenly a hand grabs my throat and my eyes fly open in surprise. His face is disturbingly close to mine and his breath makes me nauseous as he hisses, “You will get used to this and you will learn to enjoy it, or I will make it painful for you every time.”_

 

I wake with my heart pounding in my ears and sweat trickling down my back. I’ve soaked through my blue silk nightgown and dampened the sheets. My short brown hair is plastered to my forehead as my chest heaves with the effort of breathing through a state of panic. I glance at the illuminated clock on the nightstand and realize I’ve only been asleep for half an hour. Henry and I both went up to bed at ten o’clock because tomorrow is Monday. He has school and I have work. I know I can’t go back to sleep now, though. I haven’t had nightmares like that in a long time, but it’s left me shaken to the core. I need a distraction. I change into a dry nightgown and cover it with a matching silk robe that reaches my knees.

 

I head downstairs as quietly as I can so that I don’t wake Henry. I go to my study and the well-stocked liquor cabinet I have there. A bottle of whisky catches my eye and I grab it along with a glass tumbler. I sit down on one of the long sofas and pour myself three fingers of the amber liquid before lighting the fireplace with a perfectly aimed fireball. Some part of me knows that this isn’t healthy to be drinking in the middle of the night when I have work in the morning and my son upstairs, but I can’t get those images out of my head. They’ve been burned into my mind forever. I’m usually better at repressing them. I rarely think about Leopold at all anymore, except when I’m around Snow. She’s a constant reminder of him. But on the rare nights when the nightmares do come… It’s all I can think about.

 

For a second I find myself wishing that Robin was here. As soon as the thought occurs to me, I push it away angrily and scold myself for thinking about him. I don’t need him. He made his choice. Soul mate … Ha. Fate sure has a terrible sense of humor. Feeling even worse than I did before, I bring the glass to my lips and take a healthy swig. The alcohol burns my mouth and throat as it goes down, but it’s the good kind of burn. It’s the feeling I’ve come to rely on too much lately. I’m self-aware enough to admit that, if only to myself. No one else knows how much I’ve been drinking since Robin decided to stay in New York with my deranged sister.

 

I understood him leaving when we all thought she was Marian, but now he knows she’s Zelena and he’s decided to stay with her. Worst of all, she’s pregnant. They’re going to have a child together. I guess she finally got what she wanted: to take something precious away from me because she resents me for having been raised by our mother. If she had any idea of what Cora was actually like, she wouldn’t envy me at all. The more I think about it, the more upset I become. I feel tears slipping down my cheeks and I’m tempted to hurl my glass into the fireplace. I’m so _angry_ all the time. Everything hurts and I don’t know how to stop feeling this way. I just want it all to go away. I don’t want to think about Robin and I don’t want to think about Leopold. _Think something happy._

 

Strangely it’s Emma’s face that pops into my head. I smile for a second as I picture her laughing at something I said last Thursday when we were all having dinner at Granny’s. Then I realize what I’m doing and the smile slips away to be replaced by a frown. I down the rest of my drink in two gulps and reach for the bottle to refill my glass. I should have thought of Henry. Why is Emma the first thing that came to my mind? That woman truly infuriates me. I just don’t know what to do with her. There was a I time I would’ve said I hated her, but I’m not sure that was ever true. I certainly believed I hated her, but I think I was just so afraid of her taking Henry away from me, and then so resentful when I found out who she really was – Snow White’s darling daughter; the Savior; the one person who was destined to break my curse.

 

I did everything I could for a while to make her life miserable, even going as far as to use magic to try and put her under a sleeping curse. That plan backfired miserably and Henry almost died because of it, and then she broke my curse and saved him. I hate thinking back to those days and the way I treated her, because I know now that she never deserved any of it. I was the problem. I’ve come to terms with that. But I’m trying so hard to make it right. That’s not easy for me. Trying to become friends with a town full of people you once terrorized is nerve-racking to say the least, especially because I know a lot of them are still wary of me. They don’t say it, but I can tell by the suspicious glances they send me when they don’t think I’m looking.

 

Emma is an exception to this, one I never would have expected. She’s the last person I thought would actively try to be my friend, and yet she was the first person to try. She’s still trying, even though I’ve repeatedly pushed her away. Letting people in isn’t something I’m used to. For the longest time I’ve kept everyone but Henry at arm’s length to protect myself. Then there was Robin… I opened up to him and look what happened. He left me for my pregnant sister! My life has become a cliché. I know that Emma and Robin are two very different people and that she deserves a chance, but that doesn’t stop me from being terrified. What if I let her in and she doesn’t like what she sees? What if she leaves too? And why does that thought bother me so much?

 

I’ve noticed a change lately between us, but I can’t put my finger on it. I know I haven’t been the best friend to her—I’ve never really learned how to be someone’s friend without hurting them—but I _am_ trying. I know she wishes I would open up to her more, but she hasn’t pushed me to do so. I have to respect that about her. She’s letting me take this at my own pace. Being around her is…comfortable. Enjoyable even. I continue to contemplate the odd dynamic between us as I finish my second drink. Then I return the bottle and glass to their rightful places, extinguish the fireplace, and head upstairs. The alcohol worked like a charm to make me feel warm and drowsy, and thinking about Emma cleared my mind of darker thoughts, at least for now. It’s time for sleep. I just hope I don’t have a headache in the morning.


	3. Chapter 3

A/N: This took me an embarrassingly long time to update. I make no promises on when the next bout of inspiration will strike me. I do appreciate all reads and reviews. Thank you!

 

**Chapter 3**

 

.:Emma Swan:.

 

I wake up dazed and blinking quickly as I try to assess my surroundings. Nothing seems familiar to me. The walls are made of stone and I seem to be lying on a stone floor as well. The back of my head hurts a little, like maybe I fell and bumped it. I hope I don’t have a concussion. I decide against getting to my feet immediately because the room is spinning a little and I’m not sure I could keep my balance. I gingerly press a hand to the back of my head and find it absent of any blood. I sit there until I don’t feel dizzy and then I get to my feet, hands on my knees and bent over as a wave of lightheadedness comes over me. I hear footsteps approaching from an adjoining hallway and I rapidly search for a hiding place or an escape route.

 

I don’t know where I am or how I got here, but this place has a medieval feeling about it and something is telling me I’m in the Enchanted Forest. The footsteps grow louder and I feel like I might break out into a cold sweat. My mind is racing. _What the hell is going on?! How did I end up in the Enchanted Forest? …Not again..._ The moment Regina walks around the corner flanked by a guard dressed all in black, my heart plummets and I suck in a breath inexplicably sharp. She looks like a beautiful nightmare and I can’t help being a little enchanted. Dressed from collarbone to ankle in dark red, form-fitting velvet, Regina paints herself flawlessly to be the wicked seductress.

 

“Regina,” I blurt out before I can stop myself. I look her over from head to toe and ask, “Did you bring me here? Are we in the Enchanted Forest?”

 

The look on her face is completely priceless. She looks shocked for a moment before laughing. “Bring you here?” She asks, eyeing me like she’s trying to make up her mind about something. She’s moving back and forth in front of me now, almost pacing, eyes constantly on me like a predator assessing its prey. I know this must be the Evil Queen. The thought is slightly terrifying but there’s a part of me that is oddly thrilled. I’ve always been secretly curious about Regina’s dark side. I can’t say I’m disappointed. She has an overwhelming presence about her that is dark and sensual and unnerving. “Hardly. You dare intrude in my palace and accuse me of bringing you here? This is _my_ dream. I don’t need or want you in it.”

 

“What do you mean, Regina?” I ask, raising my eyebrows a little because I’m confused. “You’re not making sense.”

 

“Show some respect!” She snaps at me angrily, striding toward me with steel and fire in her eyes. “It’s your Majesty,” she growls when she’s directly in front of me, her fingernails gripping my chin and digging in almost painfully.

 

A shiver of equal parts delight and anxiety goes down my spine and I try to remain calm despite everything. “Please, this isn’t really you,” I try to appeal to her in a soft tone of voice. “You don’t have to be the Evil Queen. I’ve seen how good you can be.”

 

“I will always be the Evil Queen,” she hisses angrily, digging her fingernails in harder.

 

Regardless of the pain, I jerk my head back and forth in the negative, defiant as always. “I don’t believe that. I know you, Regina. You try to hide from everyone, but I see you. I see that a beautiful person is under all that pain.”

 

I see something come over her, a softening of her eyes, and for a second I think I’m about to get my Regina back. Almost as soon as the emotion arrived, it’s gone and Regina is looking at me with unbridled fury. “You know nothing, Em-ma.” Turning her head sharply to the side, she barks over her shoulder at her guard, “Take her to the dungeons.”

 

I take a stumbling step backward as the guard moves around her and approaches me with quick strides. All of my senses are telling me I need to run. I can’t let her lock me up and leave me in the dungeons to rot, or execute me whenever it suits her. The guard gets nearer to me and I shout, “No! Stay back!” like one of those morons in the movies who thinks that’s actually going to stop the attacker from attacking. I turn to run but he’s too fast and he grabs my arm, jerking me to a halt.

 

With a gasp I’m opening my eyes and sitting up in bed, nightshirt soaked in sweat and pale moonlight flooding in through the window. Henry is standing beside me looking worried with his hand on my arm. I realize I’m in my house in Storybrooke and I sag back down on the mattress, exhausted but relieved. It was just a nightmare. Henry breaks the silence less than a minute later, asking, “Are you okay, Mom? You were yelling in your sleep.”

 

I nod and put on a smile for him, reaching up to touch his cheek as I say, “I’m fine. I just had a bad dream. Adults get those too sometimes.”

 

He leans in to give me a hug and I wrap my arms around him, squeezing him tight. It’s been over a week since I found myself standing outside Regina’s house in the middle of the night. I’ve made it a point not to repeat that confusing excursion.

 

The next morning, I shower quickly and skip my usual bowl of cereal in favor of a bear claw from Granny’s. That dream last night really shook me up and I need something sweet to counter it. Regina as the Evil Queen was…well, terrifying. But also seductive. Way more seductive than she should have been. I dread to think what would have happened if it hadn’t just been a dream. In all likelihood, I would have been dead by dawn. Then I begin to wonder on my way to the sheriff’s station how my imagination in dream world had been so vivid. I have no way of knowing what the Evil Queen was really like, and yet it had been so _convincing_.

 

I spend my morning trying not to think about it, but it ends up driving me crazy. It’s all I can think about. By lunchtime I resign myself to paying Regina a visit at City Hall. I grab a stack of paperwork from the top of the filing cabinet—I’ve been meaning to give this to her anyway—and I leave my office with my heart pounding in my chest. I wonder how she’s going to respond to what I’m about to ask her. Only one way to find out…

 

I show up at her office and breeze past the empty receptionist desk, figuring Elaine is probably at lunch and Regina probably isn’t. That woman works harder than God. I think it’s a coping mechanism of hers. She doesn’t want to deal with her feelings so she buries herself in work. I’m not a psychologist, though. Not for the first time, I wonder if talking to Archie would help Regina. There’s no way I’m bringing up _that_ point in conversation. I knock firmly and briefly on her door and wait until I receive a verbal invitation to enter.

 

Pushing the door open, I step inside and hold up the manila folder in my hand. “Hi! I just came to, uh, drop these papers off.” Well, that sounded convincing. Not.

 

Regina arches one of those perfect eyebrows at me and I feel a little weaker in the knees. What the hell. _Stop it, Swan. It’s just Regina._ But that’s the problem, isn’t it? It’s just Regina looking at me with a hint of amusement and confusion.

 

“You can set them right there,” she says to me, pointing with one finger to the left corner of her desk.

 

When it looks like she isn’t going to say any more, I take the initiative to get the conversation going. “Actually, there’s another reason I came here today,” I admit with a tiny shrug.

 

Both of her eyebrows raise this time as she asks, “Oh? What might that be, Sheriff?”

 

So we’re back to formal titles now. This is a constant battle with her running hot and cold on me. “I wanted to ask you what you were like as the Evil Queen. It’s just…I had this really strange dream last night. I was in the Enchanted Forest, in your castle, and you found me. It seemed so real, but then I realized I have no idea what you were actually like back then.”

 

The look on Regina’s face is completely unreadable, and it’s driving me insane. Why can’t she just show her emotions like a normal human being? Oh, right, because she’s Regina, queen of pain and suffering and self-loathing. Sometimes I just want to shake her and tell her she doesn’t have to be this way, that she can let her guard down and I won’t hurt her. It feels like that’s never going to happen, no matter how hard I try. But I’m the Savior. I can’t give up hope. Oh no. I tried that in the beginning, and over and over I kept getting pulled back into this mad world of magic and heroes and villains.

 

The silence stretches on between us and finally I can’t take it anymore. “Regina? What are you thinking right now?”

 

Regina shuffles in her seat, seemingly self-conscious, and she looks away from me, takes a breath, and then says, “I was thinking I had the same exact dream last night.”

 

I can feel my eyes widen and I ask dumbly, “Same exact dream like same exact dream?”

 

“Do you know another meaning?” Regina sasses back at me.

 

My face is burning so I’m sure my cheeks must be red at this point. Regina looks mildly irritated but also a little amused. Good. That’s good. Amused is better than angry. “What do you think it means?” I ask her. “I mean, I’ve never shared a dream with anyone before, that I know of.”

 

Regina looks thoughtful for a moment then murmurs, “I’m not sure, but I wouldn’t like to repeat the experience.” Though she won’t put it so plainly, I know she doesn’t want anyone inside her head, sleeping or awake.

 

“I get that,” I say with a nod. “I don’t really want to share my dream space either. Maybe Blue would have some answers.”

 

Regina’s face is instantly tight with tension and she shakes her head. “I have no desire to seek help from that gnat. By all means, go yourself and investigate. Leave me out of it.”

 

Sighing, I nod again in resignation. If Regina doesn’t want to go with me, I’m not going to try and force her. But there is something else we need to talk about before I leave. I feel the words burning in the back of my throat and the feeling won’t stop until I’ve said them. “About the dream… I meant what I told you. You’re not the Evil Queen anymore.”

 

Regina holds up a hand with a look of irritation, trying to get me to stop speaking. I push forward anyway. “Please, Regina, hear me out. I need you to know that I’m here for you, I believe in you, and you can talk to me about anything. I can’t promise I won’t judge you, but I can promise that I’ll try not to and that I’ll listen to whatever you have to say. We’ve come so far from where we started, but I know there’s a lot more ground we could cover. I want to be your friend if you’ll let me.”

 

Regina doesn’t say anything for a long time, just stares at me. I start to get nervous and feel like maybe I should inch my way to the door, but finally she sighs and shrugs as if to say “What the hell.” What she actually says is, “I’ll keep that in mind, Miss Swan. I have work to finish now, but if you would like to come by on Friday for dinner, I’m sure Henry would enjoy that.”

 

Not trusting my luck, I nod quickly and say, “I’ll be there. Thank you.” I set the papers down and walk as quickly as I can to the door without looking back. I hear, “6 PM, don’t be late,” as I’m leaving the room. Out in the hallway, I take a deep breath and then smile. Regina just invited me to family dinner. Sure, on the surface it might seem like it’s only for Henry’s sake, but I think this is Regina’s way of trying to let me in more. _Score_.

 


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

 

.:Regina Mills:.

 

I don’t know where I am, but it’s dark and I can’t breathe. It takes me a panicked handful of seconds to realize that I’m under water. This does nothing to calm me down because I remember one very important thing: I don’t know how to swim. I begin flailing my arms and legs, and miraculously I begin rising toward the surface. I can tell because the light ahead is growing brighter. I can see the sunlight through the water and it causes me to fight even harder. I see the silhouette of a figure floating above me, still and calm on the surface.

 

Even though it’s useless, I try calling out to the mystery person to help me, but it comes out gargled in air bubbles. I move my arms and legs more wildly as I try to break free from this watery prison, but it feels like I’m being pulled back down again just as I’m about to make it through. Then the unexpected happens. The figure above me shifts and dives under the surface, reaching out for me. I can see that it’s Emma and feel her hand closing around my wrist before everything goes dark and serene.

 

I wake up with my heartbeat pounding in my ears and sweat beading at my temples. I suck in a breath and my eyes fly wide open. I don’t think I’ve ever been more grateful to be alive. All I can think as the cobwebs clear from my mind and I start to piece everything together is _what the hell was that_? Having nightmares isn’t a foreign concept to me, but that’s twice in the last week that Emma Swan has featured in my dreams. Frowning, I drag myself out of bed and into a hot shower to wash away the sweat and residual tension. It feels like I’ve run a marathon in my sleep.

 

After my shower I feel a lot better than I did before, but I still can’t get the dream out of my head. Why was it Emma who saved me when I was drowning? I know enough about psychology from independent research to know that dreams hold a lot of meaning about what the subconscious is dealing with in our daily lives. Is this another sign that Emma is what I need in my life to save me from myself? The notion is laughable. I don’t need anyone to save me. Clearly my subconscious disagrees. Next thing I know, she’ll be saving me from my other nightmares as well. The thought is unsettling.

 

Speaking of Emma… She has Henry for another few nights. I feel the weight of worry and responsibility fall away from my shoulders. I head down to my study and pour myself the ever familiar glass of whiskey that has been keeping me warm on these cold, cold nights. Tonight I don’t limit myself to one or two as I usually do. Henry isn’t here to find me or hurt himself in the night. I know that Emma will take good care of him. Despite all of our differences, that is one thing that I can trust in. She loves Henry just as much as I do. Why did it take me so long to accept that?

 

I sit there feeling the burn of the alcohol down the back of my throat while the fire crackles beneath the mantel. I have so many thoughts and feelings swarming in my head. I don’t know how to process any of them. I know logically that I should ask for some help, maybe talk to Doctor Hopper—he was good enough for Henry—but the irrational part of me still shuns the idea of letting anyone that close. I don’t need anyone to see the demons that lie just beneath the surface, fighting every day to claw their way through my resolve. _But maybe Emma…_

 

No. No Emma. No Archie. No weakness. I can do this on my own. Resolve strengthened, I finish my third glass of whiskey then extinguish the fireplace and weave my way up the stairs to fall back into bed. I don’t remember any more dreams from that night. I only remember the peaceful deep of alcohol induced slumber. It might not be a healthy coping strategy, but right now it’s all I know. The alternative would be turning back to dark magic, and I can’t afford to do that again.

 

.:Emma Swan:.

 

I had another dream with Regina in it. Surprise, surprise. I’ve dreamt about her many times, but this was another one of those vivid, it-feels-too-real-to-not-be-real dreams. It felt like the dream we shared a few days ago. I glance at my alarm clock as I rub the sleep out of my eyes and see that it’s not quite 6 AM. Groaning, I flop back onto my pillow and wonder if it would be so terrible if Henry was late for school. Yes, yes it would, I decide only a moment later. If Regina found out, she would have me flayed alive. His education comes before my need to sleep in.

 

I get up, shower, dress, have my morning coffee, then wake the kid so he can get dressed and eat breakfast before school. We’re out the door with a few minutes to spare and I’m giving myself a pat on the back for finally learning to be punctual. Regina would be so pleased. After parting ways with Henry at the bus stop, I continue on to the sheriff’s station and bury myself in a mountain of incident reports I found hiding in one of the file cabinets. I decided two days ago to reorganize the office and I found out that David isn’t so great at keeping up with paperwork. I’ve been coming across folder after folder of things that got pushed aside and never completed.

 

If— _when_ —Regina finds out, I think I’m in for an earful about job responsibility. At least this time I have a real excuse. I can blame it on my dad; I’m sure Regina will be all too happy to believe that. I remember halfway through the day that I’m having dinner with her on Friday night, and honestly I don’t know how I ever forgot that important detail. Normally I would return Henry to her on Saturday night, but I’ve decided to let him go back on Friday instead. It just makes more sense that way. What makes me anxious isn’t the thought of losing an extra night with my son. No, it’s his mother that fills me with nerves until I’m practically buzzing.

 

His beautiful, aggravating, wonderful, infuriating mother. Sometimes I just want to…kiss her. _Shit_. How did I end up in this mess? When did wanting to become friends with Regina and be a support system for her turn into wanting to shove my tongue in her mouth? This definitely isn’t the way to go about earning her trust. I need to keep these feelings to myself and play it cool. I need to act like everything is perfectly normal, and then maybe, _just maybe_ , we will find a kind of normal that fits our family.

 

 

**Friday**

 

.:Regina Mills:.

 

Emma Swan has been on my mind constantly since the day after that drowning dream. I haven’t thought about her this much since I was planning to destroy her. This is different, though. These thoughts aren’t about hurting Emma. Instead I’ve been consciously cataloguing every single one of our encounters since day one, and each time I notice something different that I didn’t notice before. I’ve been thinking about what I _really_ know about Emma Swan and why she’s always surprising me, and what I’ve realized is pretty shocking. She has been a kind person from the start. It was me who pushed the feud between us. If I hadn’t antagonized her…

 

But I did. I did everything I could to ruin her and get her to hate me. I realized something else about myself while I was realizing all of these things about her. I love who she is. I love how, after all this time, she is still trying to be my friend. She hasn’t taken Henry away from me and she’s trying to help me at every turn. I love her strength and resilience. I love her warmth and sensitivity. I love her. And that is absolutely terrifying.

 

It’s almost 6 PM on Friday now and I can’t sit still. Dinner has been ready for ten minutes now and the table is set. I don’t know what to do with myself while I’m waiting. Ever since I realized the truth of my feelings, I’ve been in a manic state of constantly moving and overwhelming myself so I don’t have to time to think about anything. I haven’t been able to sleep for long periods of time and both nights since the dream I’ve drunk until I passed out. I’m pacing anxiously in the hall when the doorbell rings. I hear the click of my shiny black pumps on the tile as I go to answer the door.

 

When I was getting ready, I changed not once but six times. This is completely unlike me. I never worry about whether I’m wearing the right thing; I know I have an excellent sense of fashion. Tonight it was different, maybe because I couldn’t stop thinking about Emma and what kind of signals I might be sending her based on what I’m wearing. It’s ludicrous! I know I’m being irrational. I’m sure Emma doesn’t even feel that way about me. She’s just trying to be my friend.

 

I open the door with a polite smile and step aside so that Henry and Emma may enter. Soon I’ve hung their coats and asked them to have a seat at the dining table. The food is laid out in the center of the table with serving utensils, along with a pitcher of ice water with lemon slices floating in it. I decided to keep things simple with my signature lasagna and some steamed vegetables. Everyone helps themselves and I wait for last, ever being the gracious host. This was a skill set instilled into me by my mother from a very young age. Manners were always of utmost importance.

 

“How was your week at school, Henry?” I ask before taking a dainty bite of my steaming lasagna. If no one else is going to break the ice, then I will.

 

“It was great,” Henry mumbles around a bite of broccoli. He swallows then grins. “We made paper mache dinosaurs in science.”

 

“Oh,” I say, nodding. “That sounds exciting. Did you learn anything?”

 

Henry rolls his eyes but I can tell there isn’t any real malice in it. He’s just being a teenager. I can’t believe he started high school this year. Time is going too fast. He quickly assures me, “Yes, Mom, I learned a lot about the Cretaceous period.”

 

“Which one is that?” I ask with a smile, testing him.

 

“The third one. It was 144 million years ago, and it’s best known for the evolution of the Tyrannosaurus rex.”

 

I look over at Emma when I notice her staring at Henry. She looks impressed. “Good memory, Kid,” she says to Henry. Then she looks at me and I freeze.

 

_Look away, look away,_ I think to myself urgently. I’m afraid if I keep eye contact she’ll see everything that I’m hiding. I manage to look away and clear my throat quietly. “I’m glad you were paying attention,” I say to Henry before taking another bite of my lasagna. Luckily the silence that follows isn’t exactly uncomfortable. There’s tension as there always is, but it feels different now. It doesn’t feel like any of us is eager to bolt for the door, and that’s an improvement.

 

The conversation resumes once we’ve all finished eating. Henry goes to do his homework while Emma and I move into my study for a glass of hard cider, just one because she’s driving. We seat ourselves on opposite sofas with glass tumblers in hand. It looks so much like the night we first met, but it feels completely different. She’s no longer an elusive, attractive stranger to me. Now she’s Emma. Beautiful, kind Emma. I have to stop thinking these things about her.

 

“So, Miss Swan, what would you like to talk about?”

 


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5**

 

.:Emma Swan:.

 

_“So, Miss Swan, what would you like to talk about?”_

 

I freeze with my glass halfway to my mouth and my lips parted. I wasn’t expecting her to put me on the spot like that. Damn it. Now I feel like all of the pressure is on me to make this a good conversation. _Keep your cool, Swan,_ I tell myself silently. There is one thing we could talk about that’s been playing on my mind. “Did you have a dream about drowning two nights ago?” Wow. I wasn’t planning to word it like that. It just sounds…I don’t know…callous, maybe?

 

I see Regina stiffen across from me and I hold back a wince. Right. I should have opened with something else. At first it looks like she’s not going to answer and I’m definitely regretting my question, but then something comes over her face. It’s gone in the blink of an eye and I’m not sure what it was exactly, but she decides to answer me.

 

“I did. I can assume by your question that you were in the dream as well?”

 

I nod then say, “Yeah, I was. It felt so real again.”

 

Regina nods her agreement and looks down at her glass, swirling the amber liquid gently. “Have you been to see the Blue Fairy yet?”

 

My eyes widen like a deer caught in headlights and she looks mildly exasperated when she looks up from her glass and notices. “I thought you were going to take care of this?” She asks in a carefully measured tone. Uh oh. I feel like I’m in trouble now.

 

“I was. I am! I just… I’ve been really busy at the station. My dad sort of left behind a lot of unfinished paperwork when he took leave.” Did I mention I’m looking for a new deputy now? My dad decided two weeks ago that he was going to take off to spend time with my mother and baby Neal. But I’m not bitter or anything.

 

“I see,” Regina answers and presses her lips together, a sign of displeasure. “Well I can certainly believe that. Do you intend to see her soon?”

 

I nod without even thinking it through, and then I find myself agreeing, “Absolutely. I’m going to see her tomorrow.” I hadn’t actually been planning that, but tomorrow is as good a time as any. I know Regina doesn’t want to share her dream space with me again, so I do need to get this taken care of.

 

“Very well. I hope she has some answers for you.” Regina nods as if to say that’s that and moves on with the conversation. “I expect to see all of the paperwork that never made its way to my desk. I trust you’ll ensure that happens.”

 

“Of course,” I agree. “But it might not be until the end of next week. I’m working as quickly as I can, but there’s a lot of it.”

 

“Understood, Sheriff.”

 

Then Regina smiles at me and it completely catches me off guard. This whole time we’ve been talking, I’ve been desperately trying to keep my eyes on her face or elsewhere in the room. It’s all I can do to keep from staring at her and thinking about how beautiful she is in that blue dress. It’s one of my favorites on her. I swallow a gulp of alcohol that makes my eyes water and look away.

 

“Is something on your mind?” She asks me after a moment of silence.

 

I look up at her and quickly shake my head in the negative. “No, no… Nothing going on up here.” I point to my head and laugh nervously. This is not going the way I planned. One of those eyebrows inches upward and I groan internally. Why is she so gorgeous?

 

“Somehow I doubt that,” she replies evenly. “What are your plans for the weekend?”

 

Suddenly I feel terribly anxious for an entirely different reason. “I have a date with Killian tomorrow night,” I answer, and it’s everything I can do not to stutter.

 

Why does it feel so wrong telling Regina that? If we’re going to be friends, we should be able to talk about these things. Then again, Killian didn’t cross my mind at all during dinner or afterward. My mind has been here on Henry and Regina – my family. And that’s when it fully hits me. I consider them my family and he’s not part of the happy picture in my head. I can’t see him being a stand-in father for Henry. In fact, I don’t think Henry even needs one. He has two mothers who constantly shower him in love and attention.

 

Regina could be my family. That’s something I can see so clearly it hurts. It’s painful because I know in the very same breath that it’s not going to happen, at least not the way I envision in my head. We won’t be kissing and holding hands as we grow old together. We won’t have tons of wild sex when Henry goes off to college. If anything, we’ll be good friends who confide in each other about the trials of life. That has to be enough for me or I’ll lose her entirely.

 

I snap back to the present when I hear her clear her throat. At that moment I want to kill myself a little because I missed whatever reaction she just had to my news. Her face is carefully guarded and I can’t read anything in her eyes. “What?” I ask, hoping she won’t berate me for not listening.

 

“I said: I see.” It’s short and to the point. Whatever openness was starting to exist between us over dinner has vanished. I can tell she has her walls up again. Damn it. I shouldn’t have mentioned Hook.

 

“Regina, can I ask your opinion on something?” This at least seems to pique her interest. She nods once and I continue haltingly, “It’s about Hook…Killian…I’ve been having…not doubts exactly, but…maybe doubts, yeah. I just don’t know if I can see him fitting into the family. I really like how things are with the three of us, finally.”

 

Regina stares at me for a moment with a sort of curiosity in her eyes. She seems pensive. At last she says, “I think you have your answer right there, Miss Swan. I for one would be thrilled if you didn’t have a pirate raising my son.”

 

I stare into her eyes, trying to read her, but she looks away before I can even get started. Regina has so many layers that it’s impossible to pick them apart when she doesn’t want you to. She has the best poker face I’ve ever seen. I do think she’s right about Killian, though. I can’t keep going on this way and hoping that I’ll wake up one day and realize I’m in love with him. It’s better if I let him go now before he gets even more attached to me and Henry. I have to do this for him, for Henry, for Regina, and most of all for myself. I can’t be happy with him when I want someone else.

 

I know I’m going to have to get over my feelings for Regina and move on someday, but it doesn’t have to be with him. As the saying goes, there are more fish in the sea. Except maybe this time I’ll find one on land who doesn’t have a hook for a hand and a history of thieving. So now that’s settled, I can focus back on Regina.

 

“Can I ask you another question? About you?”

 

She looks a little uncomfortable with the idea but responds with a gentle correction, “You may.”

 

She’s always so formal and put together. It’s driving me nuts. How the hell does she do that? And though it makes me crazy, I have to admit I admire her for being so strong. I’ve never met anyone like her, and I met a lot of kids who had it rough in the foster system. Regina stands out from them all.

 

“How are you doing? Honestly. With Robin choosing to stay in New York, it can’t have been easy for you…”

 

Now she looks furious and heartbroken all at once, and it tugs on my heartstrings like nothing I’ve ever felt. She reins her emotions in with impressive speed and says, “Please leave, Miss Swan. I don’t feel like having company right now.”

 

My jaw drops and I want to say something, to protest, but I know that could be a big mistake. Instead I close my mouth, set my glass down on the coffee table between us, and stand. I run my hands along the thighs of my tight blue jeans and say sincerely, “I’m sorry if I pushed too hard, Regina. You know where to find me if you ever want to talk.”

 

She doesn’t acknowledge me verbally or even with a nod, so after a moment of uncomfortable silence has lapsed, I let myself out of her study and make my way to my car. I manage not to crash it on the way home, but there was a near miss with a mailbox when I zoned out thinking about everything that just happened. Even after a hot shower I can’t sleep, so I pull out the rum and sit on my windowsill, thinking, thinking, thinking…


	6. Chapter 6

.:Regina Mills:.

 

After Emma leaves, I sit there for a long time with my drink, staring into the fireplace with one arm resting against the back of the sofa. Eventually I kick my heels off and curl my feet under me. I finish my drink and set the empty glass on the coffee table. I notice Emma’s glass is still half full on the other side. Shrugging, I down that one too and set it next to the other. That’s only one and a half, I reason. I’m not being a bad mother. I’m sober enough to turn the lights off, lock up the house, and walk up the stairs without stumbling once.

 

It’s not enough to help me sleep through thoughts of Robin and Emma. The fact that I love her almost makes it harder to talk to her, even though some part of me desperately wants to open up. She could really hurt me if I let her in. Who am I kidding? I already let her in when I fell in love with her. But how did _that_ happen? This whole time I’ve been fighting against her and then reluctantly working beside her, I’ve been oblivious. Then there’s Robin… I opened myself up to him and let myself believe in True Love again. Then he decided to stay with my wicked, deceitful sister and build a happy family. Without me. So much for happy endings.

 

Why does it feel, then, like I’m on the verge of letting another chance at love pass me by? It’s ridiculous, right? Emma couldn’t feel that way about me. I can’t say anything to her. But if I don’t, I’ll never know. I must have spent hours going over my options before I fall asleep, finally resolved that ignoring my feelings and keeping everything the way it is, is the best way to deal with my problem.

 

.:Emma Swan:.

 

At first I have no idea where to even begin looking for Mother Superior. I don’t know if she still works with the nuns or if they’ve all gone back to being fairies and doing fairy things. On Saturday morning I ask around Granny’s and find out that Leroy might know where to find the fairies. I find him at the auto shop already looking a little tipsy for ten o’clock in the morning. He gets defensive when I ask him where I can find the fairies, asking me why he should know, but I calmly explain that Sneezy had told me he might have some idea and that I really need to speak with the Blue Fairy as soon as possible.

 

After that he gives me directions and I don’t waste any time in following them. If I can speak to Blue and get some answers before lunch, I will consider it a morning well spent away from the mountains of paperwork at the station. I can’t even think about my impending date with Hook right now. It turns out that Blue and the other fairies have transformed an old warehouse into a magical fairy haven of sorts. On the inside it looks nothing like a warehouse at all. There are flowers and sparkles everywhere.

 

Everything on the inside from the walls to the furniture is pure white. All of the fairies are dressed as nuns still, except for the ones flitting about in their miniature forms. This strikes me as a bit odd, but I’m not going to say anything. I spot Blue talking to Tinker Bell and make my way over, bracing myself for this conversation. Sometimes Blue can be cooperative and helpful. Other times I’ve known her to play tricks that have cost people dearly. I’m not sure I should entirely trust her, but she’s the only option I have apart from Mr. Gold. I trust him even less.

 

“Mother Superior,” I greet her with a smile that feels forced. This whole situation feels awkward to me. “Can I talk to you for a minute?”

 

Blue looks at Tink and then back to me with a warm smile. “Of course. Right this way, Emma.”

 

She leads me to a door I hadn’t even noticed because it blends almost perfectly into the wall. From there we go down a white hallway to another door which turns out to be an office of sorts. There’s a large desk in the middle which she sits behind, gesturing me to one of the two white chairs across from her. I take a seat and note that fairies have really good taste in furniture. This chair is fantastic.

 

“How are you, Emma?” She asks me kindly.

 

“I’m, uh…okay, I guess.” I sigh and wring my hands together, fighting the urge to ball them into fists and bang them on something. I know Regina doesn’t want to be stuck in this situation, but this isn’t easy for me either. “I’m not okay,” I say after a pause. She’s looking at me patiently, waiting for me to explain, but I’m not sure where to start. I end up just blurting it out. “Regina and I have been sharing dreams for about a week now. We don’t know what’s causing it and we were hoping you would have some answers.” There. That wasn’t so hard, was it?

 

Blue looks surprised at first and then she smiles knowingly. “It must be because of your wish.”

 

I blink dumbly and say, “What? What wish?”

 

“The wish you made last week before you went to sleep. You wished that you could find True Love like your parents. You never got a wish growing up, so I decided to honor it as a gift to you for all that you’ve done for this town.”

 

My mouth is gaping and I feel like my eyes are going to bug out of my head. She can’t be serious. But she looks completely serious, and happy about it too. “Didn’t you find what you were looking for?” She asks, as though the answer is obvious.

 

“I…” I close my mouth and shake my head, looking around the room desperately. This is all my fault. Regina is going to kill me. “I didn’t realize I said it out loud,” is what I finally say to Blue.

 

Blue smiles like she understands my dilemma. It’s a little creepy. How is she so intuitive? “I believe the dreams will stop once you and Regina admit your feelings to each other.”

 

“Feelings?” I squeak. I haven’t heard that sound come out of my mouth since I was a kid.

 

“Of course,” Blue nods. “Magic is showing you the way to your True Love. If you’re sharing dreams with Regina, there must be a good reason. Do you love her?”

 

Shit. Shit. Shit-shit-shit. Talk about getting put on the spot again! Do I love Regina? My heart is racing so fast I’m sure Blue can hear it from across the desk. Do I? I know that some part of me really wants her and cares about her, but do I love her? … I do. My shoulders slump instantly when it occurs to me, and it leaves me sitting here without any idea what to do next. “I think so,” I hedge as an answer.

 

“Then you need to figure out your feelings and be honest with her. It’s the only way to solve this.”

 

I nod numbly and stand up on autopilot, thinking it’s time I left and went home to process everything. I can’t just go to work after this. I won’t get anything done. Hopefully I’ll have it sorted out before I see Hook this evening. That’s going to be a stressful enough affair without my head in the clouds. “Thank you for your time,” I tell Blue before moving toward the door.  


“It wasn’t a problem,” Blue assures me, rising from her seat also. “Feel free to stop by any time. I’m always here for you.”

 

I smile halfheartedly and leave her office, making my way back to the exit of the warehouse. Tinker Bell tries to catch my eye on the way out, but I ignore her and just keep walking. I’m sure I’ll feel bad about it later, but right now I’m in no mood to hold a conversation with anyone. By the time I’m ready for my date with Hook and driving toward the docks, I still don’t have anything figured out when it comes to Regina. All I know is that we’re going to have to sit down and have a serious conversation in the near future. The least that I owe her is an explanation. I can’t keep pretending I don’t know the answer to our problem when I do now.

 

Hook said he would clear the ship for the night so we could have a romantic evening alone together, but honestly that’s the last thing I want right now. I want to be home in my bed with a tall glass of rum, or maybe the whole bottle. Instead I find myself parking at the pier and then boarding his ship. He’s standing there waiting for me with a smile that would make most girls weak in the knees. The only smile that’s affected me recently came from Regina. There’s so much wrong with this picture, I don’t know where to begin. I know I need to have a talk with him too. I’m still resolved that we can’t go on this way.

 

“Hi,” I say just before he presses a kiss to my lips.

 

“Hello, Swan,” he says with his signature sexy smile as he pulls away to look at me. “You look ravishing tonight.”

 

I don’t understand how he can think that when I’m in my usual jeans and a cream colored blouse, but I smile and say thank you in return. He leads me below deck where he’s set up a table with a candlelight dinner. I know this should make me swoon and realize how much I love him and everything he does to impress me, but it doesn’t. I take my seat at the table and he pours me a glass of red wine. I raise an eyebrow and he shrugs with a smile.

 

“I thought something other than rum would make a nice change,” he says.  


I nod in approval and reach for my glass. Our fingers brush together and I almost wish that I could feel some kind of electricity, some connection other than a platonic one. Almost. I’ve gone off wishing after what happened last time. I’m too nervous to even think another wish. “How are things on the ship?” I ask, trying to make pleasant small talk before the big discussion.

 

“Same as usual,” he answers as he begins cutting into his steak. I’m sure he didn’t cook these himself. He probably got them from Granny’s. “I’ve been wanting to talk to you,” he adds.

 

“Yeah? What about?” I take a bite of my steak and groan at how good it is. Definitely Granny’s.

 

He gives me a look I’ve come to recognize as lust and my mood sours almost instantly. I can’t do this anymore. “I want to talk about us,” he says seriously. He puts down his fork and knife and looks at me pointedly. “I want us to move in together. It’s been a year and a half, Swan. It’s time we move our relationship forward.”

 

I feel myself bristle instantly at the topic. I shake my head and say, “I’m not ready for that, Killian. I’m… I’m not even sure we should be together.” I take a breath and close my eyes. Okay, that was a lie. I am sure we shouldn’t be together. I need to tell him that. “That’s not true. I am sure. I don’t think we should see each other anymore.”

 

He couldn’t look more surprised if he tried. For a second I actually feel bad for hurting his feelings, but I know this is the right thing to do. It would only hurt him worse down the line. “I’m sorry,” I say quietly. “I know that isn’t what you were expecting.”

 

He looks at me for a long time without saying anything. For once I can’t tell what he’s thinking. Normally he’s so open with me. At last he answers, “No. No it wasn’t.” He frowns and asks, “Why don’t you want to be with me, Swan? Can’t you see that I’ve changed? I work on changing every day to be a better man for you.”

 

I sigh and reach for his hook, but he pulls it away before I can make contact. “I do see that you’ve changed. It’s not that. I just don’t feel the same way about you that you do about me. Us being together isn’t fair to anyone. I don’t want Henry to get some warped idea about what love is like. I’m sorry I don’t love you, Killian. Things would be a lot easier if I did.”

 

“Easier?” He sneers. He stands from the table and points at the door. “Get out.”

 

I don’t feel like arguing, so I nod and gather my leather jacket from the back of the chair. I leave without another word and almost decide to walk home because it might be therapeutic. In the end I take my yellow bug and get there a hell of a lot faster. Henry is at Regina’s so that’s one more thing I don’t have to worry about tonight. I let myself into my house and go straight for the cabinet where I hide my liquor. The rum is gone but there’s a full bottle of wine that’s sure to have some affect. I wonder if I’ll be able to sleep at all tonight with everything going through my mind. Still, amongst all the chaos there’s a sense of relief in knowing that I let him go.

 


	7. Chapter 7

.:Emma Swan:.

 

I don’t know when I finished the bottle of wine. I don’t know how I’m still able to walk after drinking the entire thing by myself in less than two hours. I know I’m stumbling pretty badly as I grab my keys and leave my house. I have enough sense left not to drive anywhere, but even walking is dangerous when I’m this impaired. Somehow I just don’t care anymore. Alcohol has a wonderful way of taking away one’s sense of impending danger. Besides, I feel like the fresh air will do me some good. I need to get out of that big empty house and figure out what I’m going to do next. I really need to talk to Regina.

 

I’m so lost in my whirlwind of half-formed thoughts that I don’t even realize I’m walking to her house until I’m standing outside of it. I glance at my cell phone screen and see that it’s almost 9 PM. The lights are off upstairs again so Henry must have gone to bed early. It’s unusual for a Saturday night, but I think nothing of it in my state of drunkenness. That same light is on downstairs and I know that Regina is still awake in her study. Going with the bold and reckless course of action, I stumble up her pathway and knock on the front door.

 

The door opens a minute later and suddenly I have no idea what to say. Instead of doing the logical thing and explaining myself, or saying anything at all, I launch myself at her and kiss her sloppily on the lips. I feel her tense up before she grabs me by the shoulders and pulls me off of her, looking confused and angry at the same time.

 

“What the _hell_ are you doing, Miss Swan?” She asks me in a biting tone.

 

“I’m completely in love with you, Regina. There. I said it. I can’t help it. It’s the way I feel about you.” I know I’m rambling and slurring my words, but the look on her face says she understood me clearly. It looks like someone slapped her with how shocked she is. She doesn’t look pleased at all, just mortified.

 

“You’re drunk,” she accuses. I’m sure she can smell the alcohol coming off of me in waves, so it’s useless denying it. Also, I’m standing here swaying like a leaf in the breeze.

 

“So what? It doesn’t change the way I feel about you. I’ve been trying to figure out how to tell you all day.”

 

She looks even more surprised by this confession, if that’s possible. She looks like she’s going to say something, but perhaps she doesn’t know what to say because she hesitates and closes her mouth. She looks around the street quickly then steps aside.

 

“Come inside before you wake the neighbors,” she says.

 

I don’t need to be told twice. I practically fall through the open doorway and close the door behind me with my foot. I’m kind of amazed I managed that level of coordination with the state I’m in. A giggle escapes me and she glares at me, putting a finger up to her lips and then jabbing that same finger through the air in the direction of her study. I give her a mock salute and begin marching that way like an exaggerated soldier. I practically feel her rolling her eyes at my back.

 

We sit down across from each other in our usual places and she asks, “Why did you come here tonight? And why are you so intoxicated?”

 

I sigh and raise one of my hands to count off on my fingers. “Iiiii-dumped Hook, then I went home, then I got drunk. Then I started walking and ended up here. I didn’t even know I was coming here until I got here. My foot just took me here without me telling them,” I ramble.

 

She holds up her hand to signal me to stop talking. “I get the point, Miss Swan.” She looks worried now and I can’t figure out what she’s thinking.

 

I know one thing that’s driving me nuts, though. “Why don’t you call me Emma? That’s my name, you know. Emma. Emma Swan. That’s me.” So I’m starting to ramble again and I can tell by the look of mild irritation on her face. I guess she doesn’t like babysitting drunken me.

 

“Why does it bother you?” She asks in a curious tone instead of answering my question.

 

“I want us to be less formal with each other,” I answer boldly. “I want a lot of things I probably shouldn’t want. Like you.” Wow, I’m on a roll tonight. I realize after the words are out of my mouth that I probably shouldn’t have said it like that, but alcohol has a way of loosening my tongue so much that a filter doesn’t even exist.

 

The look on her face is almost cartoonish – big eyes and dropped jaw. I want to leap across the coffee table and kiss her again. That didn’t go so well last time. I stay sitting in my seat and tuck my hands under my thighs so I’m sitting on them. I don’t trust myself one bit right now.

 

Regina stares at me silently for a while then looks down to her lap and says quietly, “You’re only saying these things because you’re drunk.”

 

It’s like she can’t bring herself to believe me. It breaks my heart a little. “No I’m not,” I answer after a beat. “I told you at the door: I’ve been trying to figure out how to tell you this stuff all day. I went to see Blue earlier and found out it’s my fault we’re in this mess.”

 

She sits up straighter now and brings her eyes swiftly back to me. “Excuse me?”

 

Jeez, that tone sends shivers down my spine. I love it and fear it at the same time. I nod wordlessly until she glares daggers at me and I gulp. Okay, time to spill. “She said we’re sharing dreams because of a wish I made.” I cringe inwardly as I spit out the next part. “I wished to find True Love like my parents. I swear, Regina, I had no idea I even said it out loud. I didn’t think it was going to be granted or that we’d end up like…this.” I gesture between us helplessly.

 

She’s quiet for a long time and it’s a little eerie. Then she asks, “What do you think this is?”

 

It’s a simple, straightforward question. It should be a simple, straightforward answer. But it’s not. It’s so complicated. “I’m not sure,” I answer honestly. “I just know that I love you and I can’t stop thinking about you, like pretty much all the time, Regina. I think you’re beautiful and I love the way you laugh. Your smile is one of the sexiest things I’ve ever seen.” I decide to stop myself there before I start waxing poet about more inappropriate parts of her that I’ve been fantasizing about.

 

I study her carefully while she processes everything I’ve just said. Eventually she allows, “I think you need to sober up if we’re going to have a real discussion about this. Would you like some hot tea?”

 

I don’t think I’ve ever seen Regina look this nervous before. I nod and say, “Tea sounds good. Not too hot, though.” She turns to the door and I stop her on her way out by asking, “Regina?” She pauses but doesn’t turn around. “So this means there’s something to talk about?”

 

I hear her clear her throat and then she answers, “Yes, Emma, there’s something to talk about,” before continuing on her way and leaving me sitting here grinning like a fool. Maybe Regina isn’t as closed off to the idea of us as I thought she would be.

 

 

.:Regina Mills:.

 

What am I doing? What the hell was I thinking answering her like that? She’s drunk as a skunk and can’t possibly know what she’s thinking or feeling right now. So why do I feel like she’s telling the truth? This is all happening so suddenly and I never expected any of it. I didn’t expect Emma to be harboring secret romantic feelings for me. I don’t know what to do with all of this information, so I push it aside and focus on making tea for the both of us. I add an ice cube to hers afterward and stir it with a spoon to melt it.

 

I carry the tea back into the study and set it down on the coffee table. I sit across from her and fold my hands in my lap. She’s wearing this huge, ridiculous grin and staring at me with sappy puppy eyes. Oh God. She really does love me, doesn’t she? I haven’t had anyone look at me like that since Daniel. Even Robin was never this mushy with me. But I still don’t think now is a good time to talk about this. I’ll let her sober up a bit more first.

 

“Drink your tea,” I say flatly, gesturing briefly with one hand before taking my own tea and bringing it to my lips.

 

She looks like she wants to argue with me, but she doesn’t. She picks up her tea and sips it cautiously. I can tell the temperature is just right for her when she empties the whole mug in a few swallows. I find myself gaping slightly with my mug a few inches away from my mouth. I’ve just had one sip of mine and she’s already finished with hers.

 

“More?” She asks cheekily, grinning at me still.

 

Rolling my eyes at her childishness, I set my cup back on its saucer and move to get up from the sofa. That’s when she stops me, saying, “Regina, I was just kidding. You don’t have to make me more tea.” I stop and sink back into the sofa, looking at her uncertainly. This woman is so confusing sometimes. She assures me, “I was just teasing you. I’m sorry,” and I do my best to relax into the moment.

 

“Maybe you should get some rest,” I suggest. “If you still want to talk about this tomorrow, when you’re sober, then we can have a discussion.”

 

She seems to realize something as she looks at my empty glass tumbler on the coffee table next to my tea mug. “You’ve been drinking too!” She says a little too loudly.

 

“Be quiet,” I hiss at her, afraid she’ll wake Henry. I think he’s coming down with a virus from school. He was sickly and irritable all day before going to bed right after dinner. Usually he stays up to play his video games or watch TV on the weekends.

 

She looks appropriately cowed by my comment and nods, mumbling, “Sorry…”

 

Sighing, I shake my head and look at her imploringly. “What am I going to do with you, Emma Swan?”

 

She grins at me and asks hopefully, “Love me?”

 

I draw in a breath and my heart beats faster. I don’t even realize the words are coming until they’re out. “I already do.”


End file.
